DUI

Not a laughing matter guys. Last night, I was intoxicated---legally I would like to add. During my inebriated state, I unfortunately did something very terrible, something I am disgusted by. It will be with me for as long as I live, on my record. Last night, presumably between the hours of 11:30 and 2:00, I had my first DUI of the semester: Dining Under the Influence.

Due to the $1.75 Captain and Cokes yours truly was drinking during the entirety of Happy Hour, I was inappropriately drunk by 7:00. I did some things that I'm not proud of. But worst of all is the DUI. When I woke up this morning I saw it. Crumpled amongst my dirty clothes and loose papers sat the remains of a drive-thru McDonald's bag. YUCK!

For those of you who don't know, I hate fast food. I rarely eat sweets, cookies, or ice cream. I'm embarrassed by this. Sometimes, I'll even lie and tell people I have an allergy. I'm not a "health freak". I just feel like shit after eating those kinds of things. I know it's going to taste great and the 11 seconds it will spend in my mouth are going to be awesome, but after that it's PTSD: Post-Traumatic Stomach Disorder.

I'd like to take the time now to apologize to some people. To my fellow Black Teammates, I have let you down, I'm sorry I cannot hold myself to a higher standard, I have failed you as a role model. To whoever drove me to McDonald's, I'm sorry I don't remember. To Ronald McDonald, go fuck yourself you piece of shit clown. To my parents, stop calling me all the time, I'm fine. To LeBron James, go fuck yourself you piece of shit clown. . . . These aren't really apologies anymore. But, It's 9:42 A.M. on a Saturday and I'm at the bar literally by myself so deal with it.


Black Out